Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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