Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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