Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize