i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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