you're like a bully in the Christmas story
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize