Sry I called you an 8
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
