whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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