WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
