why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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