So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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