I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Randomize