did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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