after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
