worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
