the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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