if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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