cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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