we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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