i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
