some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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