i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
