I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
