It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
