there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
