Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
