he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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