I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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