I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
