so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
