I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
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