just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
