4 words: hood of his car
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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