she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
