it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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