Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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