i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Every concussion has its silver lining
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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