It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
