remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
why do cheetos always look like penises
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
