Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
