Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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