hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
