laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
