Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
