What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
