what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
