Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
