Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
