he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Terrible idea I love it
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
