I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
