yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
