that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Let's get the cat blown out
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Someone signed my nipple.
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