she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
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