Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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