i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize