i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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