if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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