ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
