U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
