Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
