I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
