I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
