Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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