margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize