i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize