i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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