Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
