guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
People in love make me want to vomit
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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