everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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