he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
