i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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